The Back-to-School Honeymoon Is Over: Hitting the October Wall

Oct 12

It started so well. New backpack, new teacher, new friends, a fresh start. For the first few weeks of school, your child may have bounced through the door with stories to tell.

And then October arrived.

Now it’s the email from the teacher. The note in the folder. Tears at drop-off that weren’t there in September. A child who held it together all day and falls apart the second they see your face.

If this sounds like your house right now, take a breath. You’re not imagining it, your child is experiencing the end of the back-to-school honeymoon. And they’re not alone. Around now, many families and many classrooms hit the October wall.

Why Does It Happen in October?

The first weeks of school run on novelty and adrenaline. Everything is new and exciting, and kids often work very hard to be “good.” By October, that energy runs out, and a few things happen at once:

The expectations go up. Routines are firmly in place, the work gets harder, and the grace period for “we’re still learning how this works” is over.

The tiredness catches up. Early mornings, full days, and changing seasons add up. A tired child has far fewer resources for patience, flexibility, and self-control.

The adults have noticed. Teachers have now spent enough time with your child to see patterns. Sometimes the behavior isn’t new. It’s just becoming visible.

The “holding it together” has a cost. Many children keep it together at school and let it all out at home, with the people they feel safest with. It’s sometimes called after-school restraint collapse, and it’s a sign your child trusts you, not a sign you’re doing something wrong.

Also, check out “Understanding Behavioral Challenges in Daycare/Preschool Settings: A Guide for Parents and Providers”

What It Can Look Like

Every child shows stress differently, especially between ages 0 and 8, when they don’t yet have the words for big feelings. You might see:

Tears, clinging, or refusal at drop-off (also check out, “Separation Anxiety in Children and School Avoidance”)
Tummy aches or headaches on school mornings
Hitting, biting, pushing, or yelling
Meltdowns over small things, especially after school
Shutting down or going quiet
Trouble with transitions
Sleep changes or regression, like baby talk or accidents

Behavior is communication. Underneath most of these is a message like I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know how to ask for what I need.

A Note Home Is Information, Not a Verdict

When a behavior note or referral comes home, it’s easy to feel a wave of guilt, worry, or defensiveness. Please hear this: a note from school doesn’t mean your child is “bad,” and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It’s information from someone who sees your child in a setting you can’t.

Try treating it like detective work. Questions to bring to the teacher:

When does this happen (time of day, activity, transition)?
What usually happens right before?
What have you tried, and has anything helped?
What does my child look like on a good day?

Patterns point to solutions. If every meltdown happens right before lunch, the answer may be a snack, not a consequence.

What You Can Do This Week

Partner with the teacher. You’re on the same team. Share what works at home and ask what they’re seeing. Consistency between home and school makes a real difference.

Protect the after-school window. Offer a snack, some quiet, or some movement before asking questions. “How was your day?” can wait. Connection first, conversation later.

Offer 10 minutes of child-led play every day. Let your child choose the game and follow their lead. This small daily habit builds connection and helps kids work through feelings.

Name the feeling. “It looks like school felt really hard today.” Giving a feeling a name helps a young brain begin to manage it.

Practice tomorrow through play. Act out drop-off with stuffed animals or dolls. Kids often rehearse and resolve big worries through pretend play.

Keep routines predictable. Consistent mornings, evenings, and bedtimes create the safety children need to handle a demanding day. Sleep matters more than almost anything else right now.

Stay calm, and be kind to yourself. Your child looks to you to know whether they’re safe. Being steady doesn’t mean being perfect. And if you’re feeling the weight of all this, that makes sense.

A Word for Teachers and Childcare Providers

We see you. October can feel like an endless loop of tears, transitions, and keeping everyone safe. Looking for patterns, keeping clear and consistent responses, and communicating with parents early and kindly can change the course of the whole year. If you’d like support with classroom strategies or with a particular child, our team offers consultation and training for childcare providers.

When to Reach Out for Extra Support

Many October struggles ease with time, routine, and support. But it may be time to talk to a professional if:

The behavior has lasted several weeks or is getting worse
Your child is hurting themselves or others
It’s affecting learning, friendships, or daily life
Your child says things like “I’m bad” or “nobody likes me”
You notice big changes in sleep, appetite, or mood
School mornings are filled with distress or physical complaints
Something just feels off to you

Reaching out early isn’t overreacting. It’s one of the most protective things you can do. Support might include play therapy for your child, coaching for you, occupational therapy for sensory or regulation needs, or working alongside your child’s school or childcare. Worried kids can learn tools in our Worry Tamers group.

The Honeymoon May Be Over, but the Real Work Is Just Beginning

The relationship your child builds with school, with their teacher, and with their own big feelings takes time. This phase doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means your child is learning, and you’re right there with them.

You’re doing important work. And you don’t have to do it alone.

If your child is struggling with the transition to school, our therapists and developmental specialists are here to help. Early Childhood Partners in Practice supports children ages 0–8, along with their families, caregivers, and providers, in person across Northern Virginia and virtually anywhere.

Book a Free Consultation Today!